Traveling Light - Day 2

So, the other day I told you about a really great book by Max Lucado.  I also told you that his book inspired me to make some changes, which I've been doing.  The changes were actually pretty simple, but with profound effects.

What I did was lay some really heavy baggage at the foot of the Cross of Calvary.  Of course I did so metaphorically, but if it helps you to do the same, let me tell you exactly how I did it.

First, I closed my eyes and opened a prayer - sort of like you'd click the "Compose" button on your email program.  I addressed Heavenly Father and asked for His help and strength to give up some particularly unwieldy burdens: Guilt. Shame. Lust. Fear. My current living situation which was completely up in the air.  My health - intense back pain, diabetes, skin cancer.

Then, with my eyes still shut, I put the picture in my mind of me lugging all this luggage to the foot of the Cross where Jesus was cruelly crucified.  I left it there, took a last look, and walked away.


An important part of that prayer I had opened to compose was asking specifically for strength and wisdom to leave it all there at Christ's feet.  I told Father that I know what happens when I try to do things my way and worry about stuff.  What happens is like when a kitten gets ahold of a skein of yarn.  It just gets all messed up, and quickly so.  I told Him that when I leave things alone and trust - really trust - things work out so much better.


So, here are some of the results of leaving my baggage at the Cross.


I was able to get in to see my family physician who referred me to an increasingly frustrating pain clinic two years ago.  Despite my family doc's reluctance to treat my pain back then, she is happy to do so now.  The pain clinic didn't seem to understand my propensity to become addicted to narcotics.  My family doctor does.  She cares.  She even told me she was happy to see me again and had missed treating me.


How much better can it be with someone you trust your life to?


Something else has happened, and rapidly.  


If you've been following my posts on Facebook, you may know that I've been really worried about where to live.  I can't stay with dad long-term, and unless he needed round the clock help, I wouldn't want to.  I have little money to spare, and all I couldn't tell anyone who asked where I was going next.


You can imagine this worry was one that was really difficult to leave at the Cross and not take back.  I was tempted to pick it back up, turn it over in my hands, and try to find the solution.  I've never been good at solving Rubik's Cubes, and certainly not housing situations with no money.


Well, yesterday, my niece made an incredible offer.  She wants me to take the spare bedroom in a place they move into on April 8.  I won't even need to pay rent right away!


I am incredibly grateful to a loving, caring and benevolent Father in Heaven who truly watches over me and takes care of me in every needful thing.  I'm also very grateful that He has replaced my doubt, fear and anxiety with the Peace that comes only through the love and grace of Christ Jesus.


Try laying down your burdens.  You will surely find His help just when you need it.


Just like I am finding.


Thanks for reading!


Brother H.

 

Confession of a Living Man

I have a confession to make.

For the longest time I have wanted to die.  Wait! Before you comment that I need to call the Suicide Hotline or call 9-1-1 on my behalf, let me explain.

I have no suicidal wishes, and this isn't a "death wish" in the classic sense of the phrase.  What I mean is that I have sometimes felt an overpowering Homesickness that makes me anxious to finish my mortal mission and, well, return Home to my mama, my brother and especially to my God.

But something changed today.

I have been reading a really great book by Max Lucado.  It's called, "Traveling Light, Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Meant to Bear - The Promise of Psalm 23"

I don't know Max, but I have decided to buy every book he's ever written.  He is what some Mormons would call a Mainstream Christian.  I just call him a fantastic writer who has upped my desire to be a better Christian by a factor of ten.  What insights he has given me in my own journey back Home!

Oh, I mentioned that something has changed.  Yes, and thank you, Max.

While reading his chapter on Homesickness (the same kind I referenced above), I realized I had been thinking about Home in the wrong way.  Max had previously touched on some other issues with which I relate very well.  The baggage of pain, of guilt, of disappointment and hurt.  I've carried this baggage for too long, and I suspect you have too.

So, tonight, I changed a prayer.  Prior to tonight, I had let Heavenly Father know that I am ready to come Home when He's ready for me.  Tonight, I changed that to letting Him know that I am completely unaware of when my mission here will end, and then I asked Him to help me stop thinking about it and instead actually live the rest of my days.

Today, I no longer care if my mission continues for another minute or another 50 years.  If I can live during that time, if I can serve others and help others find meaning in their own lives, then whatever time I have left will be well spent.

Today, I want to live.

I have, as Max has suggested, dropped my baggage of guilt, shame, hurt, lust, pain, loneliness and disappointment at the Cross of Calvary.

Thanks, Max, for teaching me to Travel Light.

Brother H.

Wilt Thou Comfort my Soul in Christ

I have been feeling a greater measure of peace in my life.  I attribute that peace wholly to a kind, benevolent and wise Heavenly Father who sees beyond the maze of walls I face in mortality.  On my part, I attribute it to more faithfully reading the scriptures (specifically the Book of Mormon) and praying that Heavenly Father would soften my heart toward my family.  It's been a rough week, but, as my beautiful sister likes to sing, "I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone".

Dad and I are getting along quite well.  Sure, he repeats some of the same stories, but I do too, I'm sure.  He likes to sing, and some of the songs he serenades me with, I haven't heard in decades.  He's really worried about his finances and he's told me how much he appreciates that I've been buying the groceries, taking him to lunch, etc.  That makes me feel good - that I've been in a position to help him financially rather than be a financial burden to him.  The only problem with that is that the more I spend here, the less I can save for my own place,  But, the Lord will provide.  He always does.

Truly today I am feeling that my prayers for my soul to be comforted in Christ are being answered.

Brother H.