Ever feel like you're just clinging to your sanity and afraid you're gonna fall at any moment?
I really hate to say it, but today has been a day of frustrations.
More specifically, it's been a day where I've allowed outside influences to frustrate me. If I am the captain of my soul, how can I blame others for how I react to them?
I have a daddy-daughter date tonight with my beautiful 17 year old step-daughter. I've been worried about punctuality. Her biological dad isn't exactly punctual (or even present) so I'm doing all I can to be there when she needs me. Tonight we're going to coffee and just talk. I think that's important.
But everything leading up to that has left me in a bit of a tizzy. I guess my dad (with whom I currently live) wasn't aware that my daughter and I had time set aside tonight and he told a family member we'd be happy to get him from the airport and drive him the 30 or so miles home. Turned out his flight came in late enough that it started pressing me for time for the date, so I let myself become cranky.
I've also gotten a little cranky because I've heard through the grapevine that others in my family resent my staying with dad for now. I'm really sorry they feel that way. It makes me feel bad (but not angry or resentful toward them). I don't know what they would do in my situation, I really can't judge them. If any of them are reading this, please know it's temporary, I'm helping dad financially, and we have discussed the situation with the manager here and he is just fine with me staying. My stay is not jeopardizing dad's living arrangements. If that were true, I'd move out faster than you could pack me up. Besides, I didn't hear any offers from anyone else to live with, and you know dad would do it for you if the need was the same.
But again, I digress.
Frustrations, sometimes, seem to get the better of me. I don't like that about myself, and I'm working on it, but today, I'm afraid I've had to make a few apologies. If you're reading this and I got frustrated with you today, please know I am sorry!
I suppose, again, I need to learn how to share this charity I have so graciously received with others. Sometimes I wish I were perfect, but I'm just not. In the meantime, please forgive me for being so mortal.
And now, off to get ready for my daddy-daughter date. I'm excited!
Brother H.
Despite any possible short-comings you may feel you have in this situation, I think the fact that you have stepped up to a plate that wasn't biologically yours is amazing and a wonderful gift to your daughter. As a daughter who also had a biological absentee father, I would have given my left leg to a father-figure who just wanted to take me out to connect with me as a person. I am sure your daughter appreciates this greatly (if not now, she will as insight becomes more clear later in life).
ReplyDeleteI hope you are having a wonderful time with your special young lady ;)
Tammy
Thank you for that, Tammy! I'm never sure if what I do helps her, but I know from my own experience with my late mama, just being there to listen to my daughter is important to her. Even if there's nothing substantial to talk about.
ReplyDeleteShe matters.
I really appreciate your validation that I'm doing something right!
Bro H