Sleepless in Salt Lake

So, as I alluded to in my last post, something happened - a misperception - and the thought of it kept me up past 4 AM.

I have a childhood friend who lost her husband of 22 years. He fought valiantly against his cancer, but ultimately the battle was lost.  I had interacted with this friend a few times on Facebook, but not in real life.  In fact, I haven't seen her face to face for at least 10 years when her father passed away.

Back then, when her dad passed away, my life was still in "pre-conversion" stage.  Life then was all about me, me, me.  Since then, however, I have taken the challenge issued by prophets and apostles to earnestly seek for the gift of charity - "the pure love of Christ":

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. (Moroni 7:48)  Read the chapter here

Now, while I am nowhere near being perfect at showing charity appropriately, I have indeed received this incredible gift from God.  I feel His love moment to moment, day by day.  It has, at times, consumed me to the point of tearful gratitude.  The problem isn't in my receiving the gift of charity; it is in appropriately showing it to others.  I truly have come to see others more like Heavenly Father sees them, though of course, He sees them as He sees them constantly.  I'm still working on it.

But I digress.

What happened was that I had tried to convey my support and love to this friend in the best way I knew how.  Support was fine.  It appears it was the word "love" that got lost in translation.

In English, we have one word for "love" and that is, of course, simply, "Love".  It has all sorts of meanings.  It can be a brother-sister type love in a family, a platonic love between friends, or it can mean the deep love a parent has for a child and vice versa.  But it can also have all sorts of romantic overtones.

In Greek, however, there are different words to convey these different kinds of meanings.  

Quoting from Wikipedia:

There are several Greek words for love, as the Greek language distinguishes how the word is used. Ancient Greek has four distinct words for love: agápe, éros, philía, and storgē. However, as with other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words. Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were generally used are given below.

• Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē^[1]) means "love" (brotherly love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard.

• Éros (ἔρως érōs^[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." Plato also said eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. The most famous ancient work on the subject of eros is Plato's Symposium, which is a discussion among the students of Socrates on the nature of eros.

• Philia (φιλία philía^[3]) means friendship in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

• Storge (στοργή storgē^[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.

(Wikipedia Greek words for Love)

I got a phone call from one of the family yesterday afternoon letting me know (in a very kind and diplomatic way) that my intentions were seen as something more than simple support of a childhood friend who had just lost her beloved spouse.  It appears that complicating matters, there was some history in their family of something similar happening when the patriarch of the family passed away some ten years ago.  

Back then, an old friend of the family apparently tried to swoop in and sweep the dear widow off her feet.  From what I understand, the timing was incredibly bad, like right at the time of the funeral services or thereabouts.

It appears the way I tried to convey my support of my childhood friend, coupled with the fact that there had been this old friend trying to woo her mother basically at the time of her dad's funeral, and add to that the fact that there is only one English word for the many forms of love  - well - I felt absolutely terrible.

The last thing my friend needs in her life is additional drama, no matter how little.

So, yeah, I got very little sleep last night thinking about the whole situation, thinking about how I may never be able to face my friend again, just knowing how my intentions were received.

Other than staying away from the viewing tonight and the funeral tomorrow, I'm not sure how to proceed.  I certainly don't want to make things worse.

Brother H.

Quick update:

I heard from my friend's brother (who is my best friend and has been since we were 5) that he talked to his sister and she feels much better about the situation.

Now if I can just feel better about it, too.

Brother H.