Most of us, I presume, have heard the story of Jonah, the Old Testament Prophet. For those who need a refresher, here's the basic outline:
Jonah was called by God to preach repentance to the people of Ninevah. He didn't want to. He hopped on board a ship to escape the Lord, but the Lord, of course, wasn't fooled. While on the ship, the weather got nasty and Jonah fessed up that he was the likely cause of the storm. Despite his shipmates' objections, he jumped overboard to spare the lives of everyone else on the ship. While overboard, a big fish swallowed Jonah, took him back to Ninevah and spit him out.
Okay, so there's a little more to the story, but for the purposes of this post, that's all we need to cover. Because I have become a Jonah. I have a Jonah Complex. I have been running from the Lord.
I really wish I could explain my church inactivity, my sins and transgressions that keep me from going to my meetings, but I don't even really know myself. I have friends and family who (for the most part) very gently try getting me back in the pews where I belong, but thus far, none of them have had any success.
Odd thing is, every single Saturday, I commit to myself and usually to others that I will be going the next day. I even make my commitment public, like on Facebook, hoping that will help me be more accountable and less able to squirm out of getting up and going the next day.
But invariably, I don't go.
There are more reasons for not going than running from the Lord. I wouldn't call them excuses, really, but I am the one involved, so how objective can I be?
One of the major things that keeps me from going (other than the Jonah Complex) is my pain. When I first get up in the morning, my back pain is nearly off the charts. It takes a good 2 to 3 hours for my meds to kick in and my back to limber up. Once I'm at the limbered-up point, I can take a shower and get myself dressed without much difficulty. But in the intervening hours, I think to myself, why go to all the bother?
Excuses, really, are all I have. But don't give up on me. Even if you and I give up on me, I know the Lord won't.
In the meantime, if you're heading out to the lake on your boat, it may be best for you to not allow me to board.
Brother H
Oh dear brother H, I would let you on the same boat as me anytime! You are so very hard on yourself. It makes me sad, but at the same time I understand your situation VERY much. My youngest daughter is the reason I find myself going to meetings these days. Didn't someone once say that a child would lead them? Anyway, my little one is nine years old and wanting to be baptized. She has wanted this for quite some time, but I was not very proactive in making this happen for her. We do not have the priesthood in our home, and it would have taken more steps than I had the emotional strength to perform.
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line is that she is the reason my entire family is now attending ALL of our meetings. I wish I could say that I am giving my all during the meetings. I know that the Lord knows all...I guess I hope that he also understands why I feel the way I feel when I don't understand myself.
I hope this all makes some sort of sense. Please just know that you are not alone, nor are you someone I would shun because of your being human. I am sure that you would let me on your boat because you are kind and compassionate and a hero to many.
Take care my friend,
Tammy
I was not active for 20 years. I would have come back sooner if there had not been some obstacles. At one point, I had trouble attending our ward because my husband's ex-wife was in the ward. I went to another ward for several years. Possibly, you can find a ward nearby that meets in the afternoon, allowing you time to get your back moving???? Just a thought. You may not be able to move your records, but at least you'd be in the building, and that's a start.
ReplyDeleteAlso maybe look at other days of the week. Other days do you get up and going quick. Is there something about Sundays? I have spent way too much of my life in-active and for me, when I was not doing what I should be doing I could easily find any excuse to not go. Why? Probably because I felt guilty. guilty cause I was smoking, guilty cause I was drinking and so on. I felt like I could not be amongst all these "perfect" people. Well let me tell you, they are not perfect. Some pretend. But really, it's better to go than not. The pews are filled with sinners that is why they are there. They are there trying their very best. They would be happy to have you there trying your very best as well.
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