There are good days and there are bad days. Today is a bad day. A hurting day.
I've been reading a book by the late Elder Neal A. Maxwell. It's called, "Whom The Lord Loveth". It's a really good book, and it's a really good book for me right now.
I can't say I feel exactly "chastened" - at least not more than I can bear. Yes, I'm separated, heading for a divorce after only 5 years of marriage, and life gets lonely, but really, He's kept His promise to not give me more than I can bear. And I genuinely appreciate it.
But I seem to be the chastening agent for others - that's what hurts today.
A childhood friend lost her husband to cancer a few days ago, and in my efforts to show her support, somehow I was perceived as trying to swoop in and sweep her off her feet. I've always said that perception is reality to the perceiver. What this means is that I would feel extremely awkward attending any of the funerary services, and I'll feel like a jerk for not going. It's a lose-lose situation.
I hope somehow she'll understand I care - but not in the way it's been perceived. I'm still married for Heaven's sake. I feel like I've alienated a whole lotta friends and family members lately. Maybe I should follow in my late brother's footsteps. When he became the family pariah, he moved all the way to Tennessee. Lost contact with many of us for years. We didn't appreciate him until he was gone, and then we really didn't appreciate him until he was gone, gone.
Yes, I've hurt family members.
Yes, I've hurt friends.
It's the hurting of family members that hurts the most.
How long until they stop hating me?
The End.
You show me a person alive who hasn't hurt family/friends through their lives and I'll show you someone who isn't an individual.
ReplyDeleteThat's not condoning it, sometimes family/friends dont deserve what they 'get' but sometimes its also unavoidable or us screaming out for help.
However, I have been on the receiving end of a family member who constantly gets abusive/insulting and sometimes criminal in their doings but I gave it what I could. In the end I had to move, I needed sanity.
On the other side of it, I know I've hurt my mom and dad at times and all I wanted was a little support, understanding, good advice, a direction. What I've learnt is even family members dont always know how to play their roll.
take it all to the Lord James, ask HIM to help you see what is going on and how YOU can fix it. He may prefer you to say/do nothing but go on to live by example only.
Good luck my friend, I have faith in YOU.
My mom always said, "Everything always comes out in the wash." I'm not sure what that means, but it seems appropriate here. Take it one day at a time. All you can do is your best. If you do your best every day, eventually your life will be on track again. People who find it easy to critcize now, will find it harder every day if you are daily striving to put your life back together the best way you know how.
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