I've been having some medical and financial struggles lately. Dealing with a vicious cycle. My pain (Chronic Myofascial Pain and possible Fibromyalgia syndrome) really flared up this week, starting on Sunday. I was going to go to church with A and my dad, but I couldn't even get into the shower and put my suit on.
I called the pain clinic who basically has me under contract to see them and them alone for any pain care, which makes sense to me. There are too many instances of prescription drug abuse and accidental overdoses with prescription pain medication. So, I called the pain clinic yesterday to see if I could come in. However, because of some past bills that went to collection, the office manager told me they have been preparing to discharge me from their care.
Of course this would happen at the tail end of my pain pills running out.
I asked Allie, the office manager, if I could come in if I paid out of pocket for the office visit. She said she needed to check with the doctors and she would call me back.
In the meantime, I called the collection agent who had been trying to reach me and made payment arrangements and they said that the pain clinic could verify that a payment has been made and that additional payments have been arranged.
I called the clinic back and asked to speak to Allie, but was told she was on the other line. I then asked the nice lady to give her a message letting her know about the payment to see if that would help. I was told that I should get a call back from Allie either later yesterday afternoon or this morning.
Guess who didn't call?
So, it was off to the emergency room. By this time the pain was so excruciating, I was crying. My dear old dad changed some of his plans and was kind enough to drive me to the hospital. I wouldn't have dared, since the pain itself was so distracting, I wouldn't have been safe on the roads.
(By the way, in our runnings around today, I learned that I need to take my dad with me more often. The cute old guy is a total chick magnet!)
The doc at the ER was very kind. He gave me an Rx for a short supply of pain meds and urged me to work with either the pain clinic or a new provider. We went to the pharmacy to get the Rx filled and had lunch at Maceys Deli - they have really good pizza by the way. And then we came home.
As soon as I got home, I tried reaching Allie again, but had to leave her a voicemail.
In addition to all else, I am working with the social worker here at the senior apartments to get on Medicaid. She's been very helpful! She keeps telling me how nice it is for me to be here to take care of dad. I don't really do much, just make sure he can hear things and basic stuff like that.
Realizing I don't have very much in the way of pain meds to keep me going for long, I called the doc that used to see mama and got an appointment with him. March 7!
So, I really don't know what to do. Two weeks without any meds at all really isn't something I look forward to!
***
On a personal/family note, I heard from my sister today. She told me she loves me and always will. That one message was an incredible relief. Forgiveness may or may not come, but at least she loves me.
Heard from another family member with basically the same message. She was another one I hurt. I realize I've been worrying about the wrong things. I've been worrying about how I feel about the situation - not about how they feel. I've been doing it backwards.
This really isn't about me. Yes, it started because of me, but I need to focus on my repentance and healing and stop focusing on how all this is affecting me. I am not the victim.
All in all, I really can see more clearly now. I am seeing light. Day by day, I'm learning (or re-learning) to rely on the Lord and His mercy, grace and unconditional love.
May He bless us all.
Brother H.
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